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    最新搞笑短信20條

    時間:2018-06-25 19:49:32  分類:搞笑短信  閱讀:

    1> 小壁虎迷路了,正巧遇上條大鱷魚,于是就撲上去喊媽媽。大鱷魚老淚橫流:我可憐的孩子,海嘯才兩天,沒人援助,你就瘦成皮包骨了!

    2> 擁有上億資產的已50歲寡婦結婚了,新郎只有30歲。好友問:他怎么肯娶你?寡婦:我瞞了年齡。好友:你說你只有30歲?寡婦:我騙他說我已70歲了

    3> 某大學新落成一雕塑:一位少女左手捧一本書,右手高擎一象征和平的鴿子。于是向學生征集名稱,結果很多人不謀而合——讀書頂個鳥用!

    4> 一對戀人在聊天,女:親愛的,老實告訴我,你到底喜歡漂亮的女孩子,還是聰明的女孩子?男:我對她們都沒有興趣,因為我只喜歡你呀!

    5> 幾何課堂上老師講角的概念,伸出兩個指頭,形象地形容一個角,并大聲問同學們:這是不是角?某同學卻高呼:這不是腳,是手!全班嘩然。

    6> 考試剛結束,媽媽就問小強:聽說隔壁家的小麗數學考99分,你考幾分?小強說:嘿!我比她多一點!媽媽很高興:那你考滿分?小強:錯!是9.9分!

    7> 兒子:小華的爸爸游泳游得可好了,您怎么不會呢?爸爸:小華的爸爸總吃魚,所以會游泳。爸爸不常吃魚,怎么會游泳呢?兒子:可您總吃雞,您會下蛋嗎?

    8> QQ上多的后果:在大街上看見一個人長相暴丑,忍受了半天,還是走上前去誠懇的對人家說:朋友,麻煩你換一個頭像好不好,對你這個形象我過敏!

    9> 小王對朋友抱怨說:唉,我那女朋友,真是一點都不懂得浪漫,你看那天,我呀,嘴里頭咬著一朵玫瑰花,站在門口等她…她竟說“天啊,你把花瓶給吃啦?”

    10> 一中國男子到英國旅游進錯廁所,發現人們驚奇地看著他,才明白出丑了。但一想不能給中國人丟臉。他立刻向圍觀的人90度鞠躬:撒又娜啦!眾人:日本人

    11> 屎殼郎與蚊子談戀愛,郎:你啥職業?蚊:護士,打針兒的,你呢?屎殼郎笑道:緣分吶,同行,俺是中藥局里捏藥丸的。

    12> 你知道我們的友誼對我充滿了豐富的含義,你哭的時候我也哭,你笑的時候我也笑,當你從高樓跳出去,我也會毫不猶豫地探出頭去:“哇塞!不死才怪!”

    13> 阿袁在外地學習。一天,他發現生活費已提前用完,便忙給家里拍電報求援。電報上只有四個字:彈盡糧絕。沒幾天,阿袁收到家里的回電:頂住!

    14> 單身的小王問老李:為什么法律規定一個男人只能娶一個老婆,老李語重心長地說:你有了老婆之后就會發現,其實這條法律是保護男人的。

    15> 如果有人欺負你,告訴我!我把他的臉打成彩屏的,腦袋打成震動的,耳朵打成和弦的,鼻子打成直板的,門牙打成翻蓋的,總之把他搗鼓成二手的!

    16> 有條惡狼出來覓食,聽見有一婦女在教訓孩子說:再哭再哭就把你扔出去喂狼!結果狼等了一夜說:TMD!這老娘們說話不算數啊!

    17> 汽車上有小伙子放了一個響屁,坐他旁邊的女人惡狠狠地連續三聲“呸呸呸!”小伙子不慌不忙地問道:同志,您怎么吃屁還吐核兒呢?

    18> 健康提示:吃飽飯后,一戒吸煙,二戒洗澡,三戒生氣,四戒松褲帶,五戒刷牙,六戒上廁所,七戒喝酒,八戒你知道了嗎?

    19> 我有一個請求:請我吃飯,希望你能滿足我。否則我將把你的手機號寫在墻上,前邊再加上兩個字:辦證。

    20> 沙僧參加數學考試,監考老師盯著他脖子上的珠珠看了半天,冷笑道:嘿嘿!把算盤偽裝成這樣了,休想作弊,快摘下來!

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