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    最新搞笑短信笑話

    時間:2018-06-25 19:49:31  分類:搞笑短信  閱讀:

    登山訓練中,兩名運動員中的一個不慎跌下了懸崖,另一個向下喊道:“喂,你傷著了嗎?”“不知道,我還在下跌。”

    “足球比賽我看得多啦,我知道關于足球的一切事情。”“是嗎?那你告訴我,足球網上一共有多少個窟窿眼兒?”

    甲的菜園挨著乙家。甲問乙:“你說,我家今年是種蘿卜呢,還是種白菜呢?”乙:“當然種白菜了,因為我家的雞從來不吃蘿卜。”

    全家人坐著新買來的車出去兜風。突然車子不動了,一家人頂著炎炎烈日使勁推車,推了整整兩個小時。丈夫站住說:“我算明白那汽車商的話是什么意思了。”妻子一邊擦汗一邊問:“他說什么?”“他說這車非常省油。”  

    保險公司的一位職員教他的妻子開車。車子下坡時,剎車突然失靈。“天!車停不下來了。”妻子大叫:“我該怎么辦?”“找便宜的東西撞!”保險公司職員指示妻子說。

    老師在課堂上教偶認字——帥。偶百思不得其解,正在這時,同桌mm遞來一面鏡子,偶照之,頓時恍然大悟……

    一個拳擊運動員對醫生說:我失眠了有什么辦法能治?醫生:你在睡前數數從1數到99就行了。運動員:這辦法我試過,但每當數到9我就會從床上跳起來。

    某球員連接球都接不穩。練習傳接球時,另一球員給他傳了一個好球,怕他接不穩,于是喊了一聲“接穩”,結果球砸在他頭上,只聽他說“和誰?”

    老板指籠里漂亮黃鳥說:這鳥老實,不亂飛。客人高價買回,打開籠門:飛吧,到家了。黃鳥笑:上當啦!我是……小雞耶!

    小王,剛買了輛奧托,半夜在清靜的三環上試試車,他正開的高興,一輛大奔從后面超上來,要超過的時候,開大奔家伙,伸出頭來,沖小王喊了一句:“伙計,開過大奔嗎!”,然后就一溜煙開遠了.

    表演系排小品。

        男生:“本來咱倆這事兒好好的,都是讓你媽給逼的。“

        女生:“是你媽逼的!“

        男生:“你媽逼的!“

        女生:“你媽逼的!!“

        男生:“去你媽的,不排了,不排了,這叫什么臺詞兒啊?!!“

    你拉著一頭豬逛街,很幸福的樣子。我經過,滿懷同情地說:“看一個人的檔次,就看他跟誰在一起。”話未說完,就看到豬很鄙夷地棄你而去。

    蜘蛛和蜜蜂被包辦結婚了。

      蜘蛛問他的媽媽說:「你為何一定要我娶蜜蜂?」

      蜘蛛的媽媽說:「蜜蜂是吵了點,但人家好歹也是個空姐。」

      蜜蜂也感到很難過,也問她的媽媽:「為什么要讓我嫁給蜘蛛呢?」

      蜜蜂的媽媽說:「蜘蛛是丑了一點,但人家好歹也是搞網絡的...

    老和尚彌留之時,眾徒弟問;師父,還有何愿望未了,老和尚說;還有一心愿,未曾見過女人身體.徒弟馬上找來一女子,脫掉衣服.老和尚掙扎著起來看完.口吐鮮血說道;靠,跟尼姑一樣,氣絕!!!!

    老兩口某日晚餐時突發奇想,裸餐!!!找找從前的感覺,脫光后老太太興奮道:老頭子!我感覺到乳房還像年輕時一樣在發熱耶!!!老頭斜了一眼道:耷拉到湯里了!!

    一男在飯店點紅燒狗鞭,上菜時見女服務員漂亮便調戲問道:這是啥呀?女臉紅不語,男狂笑夾起一條就吃,女曰:想起來了,這玩意兒是往狗B里塞的!

    新娘拜堂時放了個響屁,公公忙喊道:新人放屁,大吉大利!又放了倆,公公又喊:新人放倆,鈔票大把!又放了仨,公公大喊道:快閃開,我看這逼養的是要拉了!

    女警帶警犬執行緊急任務,忽發覺忘穿內褲,便撩起裙子讓警犬聞后回去找,過去一會兒,隊長來電話說:傻逼,你的狗把局長的雞 吧給咬了!

    餃子店老板出二十萬請專家論證餃子起源,經論證:餃子形似女陰,源于生殖器崇拜!眾皆服而老板大罵專家曰:操你媽花二十萬請你,卻論證出老子是個賣B的!

    夫妻上了一輛非常擁擠的火車,當火車通過一條很長很黑的隧道后,丈夫遺憾的說:早知道要這么長時間剛才我真應該*你一下,老婆道:啊?剛才*我的不是你啊?

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