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    最新經典搞笑短信

    時間:2018-06-25 19:49:32  分類:搞笑短信  閱讀:

    你要知道我每天都需要你,每天都把你放在心里,讓你每天都撫摸我的身體,感冒了更加離不開你,呵呵……白開水

    公雞問一群母雞:你們該咋稱呼我?同窩母雞:孩子它爹?“不對”比它小的說:當家的?“NO”坐臺母雞:叫雞頭!公雞氣噎了:你們都歸我捅,我是總統

    芳和男朋友在小樹林約會時,都能聽到男朋友難聽的嗓子在唱歌。小芳:你這么一唱,把樹林里其他人都嚇跑了!男朋友:要的就是這個效果,不然怎么清場

    現代文學課上,一學生向教授請教:教授,請問婚禮與葬禮有什么共同點嗎?教授考慮了一會答道:共同點就是都有人躺下!

    要是餓了咋辦?來份火鍋涮涮!要是渴了咋辦?去河邊轉轉!要是沒錢咋辦?找個傻子騙騙!要是沒膽咋辦?找拉侗練練!要是想你咋辦?到豬圈看看 !

    已經好多天沒見到你了,

    我非常想你!

    我知道最近幾天我火氣太大,

    你也不肯出來見我,

    但我還是告訴你,

    我不能沒有你!

    你快出來吧

    ……

    我的便便

    那一夜我夢到自己如愿擁有了一雙能夠飛翔的翅膀,我努力扇動著翅膀輕輕推開窗,飛到你面前……狠狠的踹了你一腳說:起床,別做夢了!

    忙碌的生活中,很容易消磨一個人的熱情,對任何事都沒有興趣,所以偶爾也要停下腳步,認真地想想……你是否該去尿尿了?

    某男在路邊巧遇一野雞,該男色心大動,上前問價,妓說:站著三十,躺著五十!該男不解,問:為什么?妓答:笨,那二十塊是待會做頭發的!

    兒子日記上寫道:王叔叔來我家,他親了我媽媽,也親了我!爸爸一看大怒,媽媽忙解釋說:標點加錯了,應是“王叔叔來我家,他親了我,媽媽也親了我!”

    媽媽讓媒人給女兒找了個對象,相親那天,男孩跟女孩進了屋,一會兒男孩走了。媽媽問女兒:男孩的那個小不小?女兒紅著臉答:能大能小。

    生在塔克拉瑪干沙漠邊緣的一學生考上大學后,村民敲鑼打鼓慶祝,他感激得熱淚盈眶。剛想致謝,卻意外聽到一老漢吼:又少了一人與咱搶水喝了!

    猛一抬頭發現蹲在我家門口的你,當時我的心情無法言喻,若在平時我一定沖過去,可惜當時路太滑,我只好站在原地大喊:這是誰家的狗,竟在我家門口拉屎

    當瑟瑟的風兒吹起,

    才發覺浪漫的秋天已悄然而至,

    溫馨的這一刻,

    讓祝福通過電波向好朋友說聲:

    天涼了,

    注意身體……

    別出去裸奔了,

    太遭罪了!

    朋友都說我是帥哥,我死活不承認,最后他們給了我幾千美金,我才勉強同意!說實在的,我才不想有這個稱號呢,可是在錢面前被逼無奈啊!

    還有一圈就跑完了,他已經不停的跑了44圈,我焦急的注視著他,他跑的這么平靜、這么悠然。我獨自默數:五、四、三、二、一!鈴……下課了!

    好吧,就當這是一場夢吧,就當我從來也沒有認識過你;我如此舍不得你,你卻對你的離開感覺像是種解脫!你太絕情了……我畢竟還喂過你幾根骨頭啊!

    老師:下學期我們的功課都用英語授課

    CC:我們會聽不懂的。

    老師:不要擔心,多聽,就能聽懂

    CC:可我每天都聽狗叫,也不知道它在說啥

    你那黑亮的眼睛望著我,仿佛有千言萬語要對我說,很多天沒見了我知道你過得很不好,我內疚的對你說:寶貝,這么長時間都沒從豬圈里跳出來真難為你了!

    世上最難忘的是感情,最難求的是愛情,最難還的是人情,最難得的是友情,最難分的是親情,最難找的是真情,最難受的是無情,最難忘的是你大便時的表情


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