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    幽默笑話短信

    時間:2018-06-25 19:49:32  分類:搞笑短信  閱讀:

    新年老板請客,我把一同事喝桌子下去了,然后拖他去洗澡,進澡堂大門就扒衣服叫“我要小姐!”抱住服務員就要做活塞運動(站著),平時挺安靜的人就讓我毀了

    一老兄早戀被老師找去談話。老師對他說:“初戀是幼稚的,是痛苦的,是沒有結果的,最主要的是它會影響你的學習。你有沒有認識到你的錯誤?”那同學竟然答道:“可是老師,這已不是我的初戀了……這是我第三次戀愛了。”

    同桌感冒流鼻涕,但他忘記帶手帕了,就不斷把鼻涕用力吸入鼻子里。在黑板上寫字的語文老師突然轉過身來大嚷:“夠了!給我停止!吵死了!”全班一片安靜。老師又說:“到底是誰上課時偷吃面條還這么大聲?”

    初中時,班上有一同學很牛,要么遲到,要么一上課就呼呼大睡,直到下課才醒來。一天,他遲到了十分鐘,數學老師看到他就說:“你不能再遲到了,否則你會睡眠不足的啊!”

    一次上歷史課,我在課堂上睡覺被老師叫醒,老師問我:“文成公主嫁給誰了?”同桌小聲告訴我:“松贊干布。”可惜我沒聽清,張口就答:“宋朝干部。”后來我被罰一個星期不準上歷史課。

    一次政治考試,考題全是選擇題,共75題。結果考高分的不多,但卻有一老兄一題未對———考了0分。后來政治老師問他:“你是不是知道考試答案?不然怎么可以全部避開正確答案,只選錯的呢?”

    語文課上,老師讓一名同學解釋“初出茅廬”的意思。那同學屬于后進生那一類,抓耳撓腮磨蹭了半天,最后小聲地問老師:“是不是剛剛從廁所里出來的意思?”

    H君與朋友進入一家高檔商場。進了店門后才走了兩步,朋友忽見他在光滑的大理石地面上作滑冰狀,甚感奇怪。問他,H君一邊繼續滑一邊指著旁邊的牌子,認真地說:“既然來了,就要遵守這兒的規矩。”那牌子上寫著:“小心地滑”。

    J君酷愛排球。某日訓練,球場邊走過一個豐滿的性感女子。正在這時,J君傳球給隊友,隊友正走神。他火了,大叫道:“接穩,接穩,快接穩了!”女孩子皺了眉頭,瞥了他一眼,轉身而去。眾人笑翻在地……

    一位婦人在醫院的電梯中分娩,覺得非常難為情。護士小姐安慰她說。“沒有關系的,這不算什么啦,兩年前還有一位太太,在醫院大門口就生下小孩子的。”不料這位婦人竟哭了起來,說:“那位太太也是我啊!”

    昨天去吃肯德基,排在我后面的像是一對兒情侶,眼看他們點了一大堆吃的,然后坐到我旁邊。

    坐下后,那個女孩就開始埋頭猛吃,好像餓了好幾天的樣子,而男孩則一根一根地啃著薯條,好像有什么心事。

    突然,男孩放下薯條,往前湊了湊,很認真地問:“青青,我追你行嗎?”

    女孩頭也不抬,直接說:“不行!”

    男孩又問:“一點可能也沒有嗎?”

    女孩干脆地說:“一點可能也沒有!”

    男孩愣住了,兩眼直直地看著她,呆在那里……

    當時,女孩一手拿著雞腿,一手拿著漢堡,覺得男孩在看她,于是暫停大吃,然后用可憐的眼神看著那個男孩,小聲說:“那……我還能吃嗎?”

    旁邊包括我在內的人都笑出聲來,那男孩很無奈,忙說:“吃吧,吃吧……”

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