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    精選幽默短信30條

    時間:2018-06-25 19:49:36  分類:搞笑短信  閱讀:

    一只大老鼠誤入花店,被一只小花貓追趕,大老鼠發現無路可逃,就順手抓起一只玫瑰花準備抵抗,誰知小花貓竟低頭害羞地說:人家還小呢。

    狗熊每天上山鍛煉身體,一天王八也想上山,熊說:“你把四條腿收進去,我抓住你上 去”。上到山頂,樹上一只鳥狂笑:“瞧你那熊樣,還拿個翻蓋兒的手機呢”

    農夫挑擔大糞,老外看到后問:“大爺,這醬多少錢一斤?”農夫不語,老外用手沾了點兒放進嘴里,心想:你不告訴我多少錢一斤,我也不告訴你你的醬都臭了!

    寂靜的月宮,八戒和嫦娥正在卿卿我我、興致正濃,突然窗口有一個黑影閃過,八戒急忙追出去。。。一會兒氣急敗壞的回來,邊走邊罵著:TMD探測衛星!

    螞蟻和大象打架,紛紛爬到大象身上,大象將螞蟻紛紛抖掉,還剩一只螞蟻在大象脖子上,地下的螞蟻大喊:掐死它!

    NHZ !HS OM 就知道你猜不到,看不懂. 你再仔細看看啊! 還看不出來? 你懂拼音嗎? 你笨也得有個限度吧! 把手機倒過來看。

    蒼蠅和蚊子在網上見面,蚊子興奮:我網名是一針見血,你是?蒼蠅苦惱的說:我是"黑瞎",這時蜘蛛爬過來了,流著口水說:這兒都要聽我的,我是網管.

    一小日本吹噓敢頂梨讓人比槍法,一英國人后走百步回頭一槍將梨打爆,說I AM邦德.一中國人原地回頭一槍,小日本頭被打爆,說I AM SORRY

    蝴蝶對蜜蜂說:你真夠小氣的,裝一肚子甜言蜜語卻一句也不舍得給我.蜜蜂說:哼,還說我呢,你頭上頂著那么長兩根天線咋不給我發短信呀!

    有一天,一個帥哥在車站等車,看到美女對他笑,他以為自己很帥;就擺了幾個造型,一看美女笑容更加燦爛,突然一位大媽說;伙子別站在屎上!

    某汽車配件廠的“件”字掉了偏旁成了“牛”字,一老漢拉了一頭牛,嘴里嘀咕:“汽車配牛,至少也該生個拖拉機吧!”

    牛郎戀劉娘.劉娘念牛郎.牛郎牛年戀劉娘.劉娘年年念牛郎.郎戀娘來娘念郎.念娘戀娘念郎戀郎.念戀娘郎.繞不暈你算我白忙.

    大海啊!全他媽是水,蜘蛛啊!全他媽是腿,辣椒啊!全他媽辣嘴,認識你啊!真他媽不后悔,哪天不想你啊!真他媽見鬼,祝你天天快樂,笑的合不籠嘴!

    我手持鄭伊劍,腳踏溫兆輪,翻過趙本山,穿過關芝林,跨過潘長江,來到周星池,游泳時刮起謝庭風,水中昌出吳奇龍,嚇得我騎著黃家駒逃回郭富城

    青青河邊草,把你忘不了,快樂像小鳥,天天沒煩惱,想起你的好,知己太難找,朋友也不少,就是沒你好,祝你愛情更美好,青春不會老,煩惱不見了。

    一次政治課上,老師問同學:"何為三個代表?" 學生答曰:"情人戴金表,老婆戴銀表,自己戴電子表."全班大笑!

    我一天沒有你就難受,兩天沒有你就無精打采,三天沒有你就精神恍惚,要是五天沒有你——我準活不成了!啊,我的所愛,你真白啊,因為你是白面大餅!

    你頭頂大便,手持寶劍,自以為是東方俠劍,其實是街頭行騙,剛見歹徒你拿出寶劍,誰想一緊張褲襠開線。還在看手機?沒見過世面!

    其實我已注意你很久了… 可是你的身邊有著不同的人出現如果有機會讓我和你單獨見面 我一定會把握機會 輕輕的捂住你的嘴然后對你說:要錢還是要命?

    俺雖然是農民,但你不能說俺落后,俺知道香港最紅女子組合叫吞屎,最好的手機叫騾雞鴨,美國總統叫不死,他爹叫老不死,最貴的汽車叫撈屎來吃

    以短信消磨時間的稱為信生活,只收不發為信冷淡,狂發一氣為信亢奮,發錯對象是信騷擾,發不出去是信功能障礙,看著信息傻笑的基本已經達到了信高潮

    你快樂因為我快樂我開心因為你開心我愁了因為你瘦了我瘦了因為你病了我笑了因為你壯了我有錢了因為把你賣了……豬!

     "雖然你是暴牙但別自悲!暴牙可以刨地瓜,下雨可以遮下巴,喝茶可以隔茶渣,野餐可以當刀叉,你說暴牙是不是頂呱呱!"

     施主,你今日所穿的內褲顏色兇多吉少,行事不利,萬望即刻脫下,扔進茅廁,以保平安,善哉善哉

    你在吃沒有肉的包子!咬一口,沒吃到肉,在要一口,還是沒吃到肉,你咬了第三口卻吃到肉了!你說為什么?

    你騎著摩托車,上坡下坡壓死二百多,警察來抓你,你跑進了女廁所,女廁所沒有燈,你掉進了便便坑,你和便便做斗爭,差點沒犧牲!

    "你那圓圓的臉,那么白凈,彎彎的眉毛,那么修長;水汪汪的一對眼睛,那么明亮,含情脈脈的聲音,那么悅耳:汪!汪!汪!"

    抬頭那一片天,是你的洗澡間,你為了這個洗澡間,花了很多錢。你不知道水多深,也不知道水多淺,一個猛子扎下去,就再也看不見。

    "好好學習,天天向上,三年之內,你別搞對象.關鍵是你長的那糟樣,不過除了丑點,你也沒別的強項!"

    "報告司令官,你老婆在臺灣,臺灣一解放,你老婆就尿炕!報告司令官,你老婆在臺灣,臺灣一發展,你老婆就生產!"

    "朋友,給你講一個故事:泐觳紇踟锝,醭鲞蠼?賧鲺肟譖!顥旎醭腌艉曖,槊鷙鱉萋纛.故事名叫<<小豬納悶"

    竹板那么一打呀,別的咱不夸,夸一夸你長的像朵話,雖然像朵花,可你要耷拉,狗不理的小包子你一口能吃仨!

    聽說你最近很牛逼,普京扶你下飛機,布什給你當司機,麥當娜陪你上樓梯,金喜善給你烤燒雞,劉德華幫你倒垃圾,連我都要給你發短信息!

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